


Follow My Voice

by Jennifew



Series: Mending [2]
Category: Torchwood
Genre: M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-03-29
Updated: 2018-03-29
Packaged: 2019-04-14 10:27:25
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 12,041
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/14134173
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Jennifew/pseuds/Jennifew
Summary: Toshiko's worried about what she overheard from Ianto in Greeks Bearing Gifts; Ianto divulges some of his past to keep her from feeling as alone as he'd felt after Lisa.Massive spoilers for Torchwood One: Before the Fall; references to Broken, blink-and-you'll-miss-it reference to The Office of Never Was.





	Follow My Voice

**Author's Note:**

> Many thanks to MiladyDragon for the quick (once we'd actually gotten in touch!) beta. Even if I did ignore some of her suggestions. :)

Jack looked up at the tentative knock on his office door, surprised to see Toshiko standing there. In fact, he'd been a little surprised she'd come to work that day at all--but then, Ianto had done the same the day after Lisa. They both had such strong work ethics that he felt a little bad for expecting otherwise; it was just so easy to forget that both of them had actually been through worse in their short lives.

He beckoned for Tosh to enter, and as she did she closed the door behind her before perching on the edge of his visitor chair, clearly nervous. Trying to keep in mind just how badly he'd screwed up with Ianto, Jack decided not to press her for the reason for her coming to see him, instead asking as gently as he could manage if she was all right.

Tosh nodded, then clarified, "About as well as I can be, I think, after...."

"That's good. I know it'll take some time, and I want _you_ to know that I'm sorry. I didn't handle the situation as well as I could have."

She looked surprised, which pretty much told him everything he needed to know about how poorly he really had dealt with the alien-girlfriend-invading-the-Hub situation. Again. Jack sighed inwardly; he hated letting himself down like this, letting the _team_ down.

"That's not actually why I'm here, though," Tosh admitted, still appearing on the verge of bolting. It had been so long since he'd seen her this unsure of herself, and he hated the reminder of what she'd been like those first months after he'd gotten her out of that cell. "I've been trying to figure out the ethics of that pendant, and I just don't know what to do. Most of what I heard I've no intention of revealing to anybody--it's none of their business, any more than it was mine in the first place--but there was something.... Is it okay, do you think, to reveal someone's private thoughts if you're worried about them?"

Jack blinked; he wasn't sure what he'd been expecting, but it certainly wasn't a discussion on the ethics of telepathy. Good job he'd done well in that part of his psychic training back in the day, even if as a Time Agent he'd later been forced to unlearn it all. "When it comes to picking up others' unshielded thoughts, think of telepathy as being like a mandatory reporter--if you have cause to believe someone is a danger to themselves or others, you have a duty to inform someone, despite the invasion of privacy. On the other hand, if it's just a general sense that something might not be quite right, without any specifics or urgency, it's widely considered better to respect the person's privacy and perhaps just keep an eye on them where possible, like you would if you suspected a neighbour was being abused but hadn't actually seen any evidence yet. What's going on?"

She hesitated, then said, "It's Ianto. I didn't hear anything specific, really, but I'm worried he's not dealing well with--"

Jack couldn't help relaxing; it was nice to see Ianto's concern for Tosh was returned, but more importantly, he was relieved to be able to alleviate her worries. "Pause there for a moment, would you?" She looked taken aback, but nodded, and he went to call Ianto in.

"Tosh here was concerned about whatever thoughts she heard from you the other day, and while she hasn't revealed any specifics, given what we talked about last night I thought it might be best for you to reassure her yourself," he explained.

"Ah." Jack thought he saw a minute wince before Ianto turned to face Tosh; he was probably not comfortable being the topic of conversation yet again, but at least he didn't try to avoid it this time. "I don't know what exactly you heard, but I can tell you I'm feeling much better than I was not even twenty-four hours ago. I'd rather not go into details, if that's all right, but I might as well admit you were right to be worried. I seem to have hit a turning point last night, however, and the situation's changed. For the better, I mean."

"Are you sure, Ianto? Because you sounded so...."

"I promise. I've been in a lot of pain, for months now, but it's all right. At the moment I'm more worried about you. I've told Jack you may prefer to have a chance to mourn Mary rather than being distracted by work, and if you need someone to talk to...well, I've been there."

Tosh ducked her head, her hair falling forward and blocking her face before she tucked it behind her ear. "It's nothing compared to what you went through. I didn't know her very long, for one thing, and given that she was just manipulating me the entire time, I suppose I didn't actually know her at all. It's silly to miss her."

Ianto crouched down in front of the chair, forcing her to look at him. "It's not silly at all; whatever you've discovered about her since then doesn't change what you felt. And for the record, I've been involved with someone who was only using me for my knowledge of Torchwood, too. Not Lisa, but before her. So I really have been there on all accounts."

"You have?" Tosh met his eyes, a spark of hope in her own for the first time all week.

Jack held his breath, trying his best to mimic Ianto's ability to fade into the woodwork. He'd been desperately curious ever since the other man had mentioned something like that the night before, but hadn't quite felt able to ask. If Ianto was about to give up a little more about his past to comfort Toshiko, Jack didn't want to risk his presence being the reason Ianto withdrew again.

"Absolutely. In fact," Ianto paused to take an audible breath, as if steeling himself for what he was about to say, "if you get me drunk enough I'll even tell you about it, if you think it'll help. I've already roused Jack's curiosity on the subject, I know, and I'd rather he find out the truth than whatever's left in the records you managed to salvage from London."

"Oh! If it's bad enough you need to be drunk to talk about it, please don't feel you have to."

"It's not painful, really," he admitted sheepishly. "Not most of it. Not the way you're thinking. I mean, I wasn't in love with her or anything, though I admit I'd thought the potential was there. It's just...embarrassing, you know? To have been fooled so completely by someone I thought I knew."

"Yes, I know exactly what you mean."

"Thought you might."

"So...would this be a beer conversation, or something stronger? Whiskey? Vodka?" Jack asked, now that Ianto had specifically said he was willing to tell him the story.

Ianto glanced over at him. "Whiskey, for me, I think. Tosh?"

"Whiskey's fine. I can go out later and pick some up, if you'd like. I suspect by the end of the day I'll want a little time away from everyone. Gwen keeps trying to act sympathetic while alternately attempting to find out what thoughts I heard from everyone else and persuade me not to reveal her own. And Owen.... Well. I'd really rather not spend time around him right now."

"Fine with me; I don't blame you for wanting to sneak out for a bit. Is tonight good for you, Ianto?"

"Why not? Get it over with, and all."

"It's a date. Now, better get back to work before the others start to think we're in here having a threesome," he declared, grinning in satisfaction when Ianto blushed even as he rolled his eyes. One night or not, it simply wouldn't do to have one of his bed partners capable of being blasé about the event less than twenty-four hours later.

A few hours later, Jack was down in the main Hub looking over the latest Rift data when Toshiko returned with a carrier bag in each hand, having apparently stopped for munchies as well as liquor. Probably a good idea, as they had never gotten around to ordering any dinner. "That our supplies?" he asked.

"Yep. I'll just put them in your office?"

"Sounds good. Owen, Gwen, go home--looks like it'll be a quiet night. Enjoy it. Tosh, Ianto, ten minutes?"

"Hang on, what're you three up to?" Owen asked, causing Gwen to pause on her way out and look back, clearly wondering the same now that he'd mentioned it. "And why's Tosh taking good booze up to your office instead of sharing with the rest of us?"

"Inaugural meeting of the Jack Harkness Killed My Girlfriend Club," Ianto informed him in perfect seriousness. "You're not eligible."

"Yeah? So why's Harkness get to join, then?"

"Penance." Ianto's reply was as swift as it was deadpan, and it was all Jack could do to keep from laughing. Not that he was entirely convinced it was a joke in the first place....

"You heard the man, Owen. Go on, both of you. I'll see you in the morning if I'm still in one piece after these two are done with me." Not wanting to give either of them a chance to object, he turned immediately and went to his office. Tosh and Ianto followed, the latter closing the door firmly behind them. Jack watched through the glass until Gwen had dragged Owen out of the Hub, not sure he liked the suspicions he'd developed recently about the two of them but relieved to see them go nonetheless.

Once the three of them were alone in the Hub, Jack turned to find Ianto and Tosh settled on his office couch, first round already poured. He dragged his chair from behind the desk--it was far more comfortable than the visitor chair, after all, and he anticipated being in it for some time--and took the glass Tosh offered him. By the time he was seated, Ianto had already knocked back his first drink and started on the second.

"Whoa, there. You weren't kidding about wanting to be drunk, were you?"

"Just getting a head start," Ianto grumbled uncharacteristically. "You may have noticed, I don't like talking about myself, and I've had to do rather a lot of it this week."

"Okay, fair point. Carry on."

"If you don't want to do this, Ianto, you don't have to," Toshiko added. "We can just complain about Jack all night, like you implied to Owen. I don't mind."

"No, it's fine." Ianto waved away her offer with one hand while simultaneously pouring his himself a third drink with the other. "Feeling like no one really understands what you're going through is...not good, at a time like this. Trust me."

"All right, then. If you're sure."

Jack was relieved to see him take a single sip of his third glass before beginning; he had no desire to call Owen back in to deal with the case of alcohol poisoning Ianto would surely have developed had he continued drinking at his initial pace.

"There are some things you should probably know about Torchwood One in order for this to make much sense. It wasn't just larger, it was very...corporate, aside from the attrition rate. There were regimented pay grades and management incentive bonuses and budget meetings and a dress code, like so many other large companies. And sure, the main lift was sentient and some of the departments had names like Alien Acquisitions, so it was also _different_ from other organisations, but... while some of the employees were fascinated by the alien aspect of it all, and others of us were drawn to Torchwood for the opportunities it provided to learn so much that most people can't even fathom, the fact is that a lot of those who worked there just liked the paycheque, they didn't care about the mission. That was especially true in the departments that didn't deal directly with aliens, such as Admin or HR."

"I can't even imagine having HR here," Tosh admitted.

"They'd need an entire sub-department just to handle the harassment complaints," Ianto agreed with a smirk.

"Hey!" Jack's protest was more to acknowledge the dig than out of any actual outrage. Although Ianto had seemed more like himself last night, and at times throughout the day, Jack was starting to grow concerned again. Any little bit of pre-Cyberman-in-the-Hub normality was a good sign, and to be encouraged.

"My point is, we were just...people, in many cases _good_ people, doing a job. Not out for world domination or anything. We didn't deserve--" Ianto cut himself off and stared into his glass before taking another swig as Jack and Tosh exchanged concerned glances

"Anyway. Rachel started a few months after I had. Your first day began with being shunted from department to department--HR, Security, and so on--and at one point I got roped into making sure she got where she needed to go next. I felt sorry for her, she seemed so out of place. I mean, she was wearing a cardigan she claimed her grandmother had knit her, for one thing. Which would be perfectly ordinary here but stood out in London, and not in a good way. But even aside from the fact she was so obviously new, she was even more awkward than I was."

"I can't imagine you being awkward," Tosh interjected.

"Oh, but I am; you probably just don't realise it because since I joined Three I've made a point to not, well, talk. Reduced the chance of letting slip something I didn't intend. But at One I'd made friends, and I fit in outwardly--that's where I started wearing the suits, of course--and nearly every time I spoke about something not strictly work-related I made a fool out of myself. That's what it felt like, at least. I was excited about working in a bloody skyscraper, of all things, so no wonder everyone...well."

"Everyone what, Ianto?" Tosh asked gently.

"They could be a bit...patronising. Every other time I opened my mouth, it seemed, either I was saying something stupid or people just assumed I _was_ stupid because of my accent. I can't tell you how often I was called 'poor little Welsh boy', or 'Valley Boy'. Sometimes to my face, though that was usually just Tommy, who was rude to everybody. Rather like Owen, actually.... And she was a good friend, I loved her, but I still think nobody called Pippa has any business making fun of anybody else's name." He drained his glass again, but continued before the others had a chance to respond. "One good thing about having to come back to Cardiff is that even a prat like Owen realises he's outnumbered, and doesn't usually make Welsh jokes."

"I _like_ your accent," Jack reminded him, vaguely offended on Ianto's behalf.

That earned him a quick glance as Ianto reached for the bottle. "So you've said, sir. Anyway, my point is, I saw someone who appeared just as out of place in her own way as I felt, and sort of took it upon myself to explain things to her, introduce her to people, make sure she didn't have to eat lunch alone, that sort of thing. Later, of course, I realised if I hadn't she probably would have sought me out, since I was Yvonne's PA at the time and therefore useful to her. In any case, we became friends, and yeah, part of me was relieved when some of the focus switched from me to Rachel's overly-enthusiastic response to the whole aliens thing. She was practically giddy when it came time for her to actually attend a meeting with one. It was--cute. We certainly never suspected that would be when she made her first real move."

"What happened?"

"I wasn't there, but as I understand it she drank just enough to be plausibly impaired, then 'let slip' that she'd just remembered having been told that her boss--who was at the meeting--was on his way out, due to be replaced by the other Torchwood employee who was with them at the time. She claimed she'd been retconned, and it had just come back. The meeting went south, the person she claimed had given her the information got fired, and Yvonne assured Rachel that there would be an investigation into the retconning. Nothing ever came of it, of course, since it never happened. But that was the beginning. Now it seems obvious that the change in atmosphere at the Tower--the suspicion and paranoia where there used to be friendly gossip and camaraderie--was the result of Rachel's putting ideas in people's heads in ways that made it seem they came from someone else."

"Laying the stage for her big move?" Jack guessed.

"Exactly. Next came getting Tommy himself fired--she was his PA, he was a recovering alcoholic, it wouldn't have been difficult for her to lace his coffee with something while he was working late one night. Which she apparently admitted to doing, later. Yvonne had a soft spot for him, Neanderthal though he was, but she had no choice when he not only was drunk at work, but tested an alien artefact on one of his assistants, which was strictly against the rules. She did let Tommy keep his memories, though, and made sure he got help."

"Yeah, yeah, Hartman was just misunderstood, whatever. I still don't believe it." Jack took a sip of his own whiskey to hide his smile at the glare Ianto gave him. It was just too easy, sometimes, to get a reaction out of him.

"But how did you and Rachel become involved?"

"It was actually shortly after that, Tosh. With Tommy gone, Yvonne made Rachel Head of Alien Acquisitions in his place. God knows why, it wasn't like she had the experience for the job. But that was Yvonne's style all over...." Ianto paused, seemingly lost in reminiscence, before continuing. "Anyway, on her first day, some construction workers uncovered a buried spaceship, and she was sent to investigate, see what tech we could salvage. Yvonne wanted me to go with her, since I had a little more experience than she did."

"I thought you said you'd only been a field agent for about a week?"

"True, Jack, and that came later. But a lot of times simple tech retrievals were handled by other departments, usually Alien Acquisitions since they were the ones who'd be figuring out how to use the tech anyway, but not always. Often I was called on to coordinate between our teams and the locals, so I had some idea what to expect. In theory. Unfortunately, in this particular case it _ought_ to have been a field agent sent in, because the spaceship turned out to still be inhabited. By something very large, with tentacles. One of them grabbed Rachel and started pulling her in. I drew my weapon, but couldn't find a clear shot. Not one I was willing to take, at least, not as panicked as I was. And then I actually dropped my gun, like a complete idiot.... Rachel ended up shooting it herself before the security team keeping watch outside even knew something was wrong. It was the only time I ever saw her kill personally; all the other deaths she was responsible for were carried out by others. And then...."

"And then?"

"She kissed me. Out of nowhere."

Ianto tried to hide his blush behind his glass; Toshiko probably thought nothing unusual of it, but Jack had to suppress a grin. No doubt Ianto, too, was thinking of the parallels with the previous night.

Ianto cleared his throat before rushing to add, presumably afraid of what Jack might say, "When we got back to the office, she told Yvonne I'd shot the alien and saved her. When I asked why, later, she said it was to apologise for kissing me when," he took a deep breath, "I still had feelings for Lisa."

Jack and Tosh exchanged surprised looks. "'Still'? I thought you said this happened before Lisa."

"Before our relationship, yes. But shortly before Rachel started at Torchwood, we'd been on two dates. Disastrous ones, actually. Do I have to talk about her, sir? Because I'd really rather not."

"No, of course you don't. I was just confused. Carry on."

"Thank you. Right. Anyway, as far as I knew, Rachel was nice, and cute, and when she told me I was strange it felt like she was just stating a fact, not passing judgement--and she was interested in me. Or she pretended to be, I guess. So not long after that we started going out, and for a while everything seemed all right. For the most part. Like I said, the atmosphere around the office started growing uncomfortable, but there was nothing obviously wrong otherwise. No increase in employee deaths or anything. Looking back, though, it was clear Rachel was using the change to isolate me, try to get me to stop trusting anyone but her."

"Mary did much the same thing to me," Tosh admitted. "Making comments that on the surface appeared supportive, but were really designed to make me doubt all your motives. I was up all night trying to figure out how she convinced me to trust her enough to bring her here without telling anyone."

Jack nodded. "Standard psychological warfare technique, seen it many times. Mostly because it works."

"Right. I mean, I didn't start to distrust my friends or anything, but somehow I did just...stop comparing notes, I suppose. We all did, I think. And I can't remember now if it was Rachel's idea, or if she somehow manipulated me into suggesting it, but eventually we went to Yvonne and proposed holding a mandatory company-wide party so we could observe people and see who might be causing the problems. Yvonne loved the notion. And Rachel's team had finally figured out how to work an artefact that they'd been analysing for months, which provided the perfect excuse. It was a transporter, the first we'd managed to get working properly, and a demonstration was exactly the kind of thing Yvonne went for--I think she was as genuinely excited about it as anyone else."

He paused to pour himself yet another drink, and Jack decided it was past time to get some food in him. Digging through the second carrier bag, he pulled out a packet of water biscuits and handed them to Ianto, who rolled his eyes but obediently took a few and began to nibble.

"I'm going to go out on a limb here and guess something went wrong with the demonstration?"

"Give the man a prize!" Ianto raised his glass to Jack, then took a defiant swig. "Yvonne called for someone to be transported to her office, and Rachel managed to talk Dean, from Security, into volunteering. It was--one of the most horrible things I've ever seen. Still is, actually."

"What happened?" Tosh asked gently.

"It just...tore him to pieces, right in front of us. Like it was transporting parts of him to different places, or something. He tried, but once it was activated he couldn't put it down, until...." This time, when Ianto drained his glass in one go, Jack reached out to refill it himself.

Tosh looked shaken. "Oh, Ianto...."

He nodded his thanks to Jack, then visibly composed himself. "In the ensuing chaos, all I remember clearly is Rachel proclaiming repeatedly that Yvonne had programmed the transporter, then ordering people about once it had been discovered that she had disappeared. And then Pippa, who was head of HR, declared Rachel acting Director. Still not sure what she was thinking, since there were several more qualified people in the room, but then, no one was thinking clearly just then. Except Rachel, of course, who probably loved every minute of it."

"I still don't understand how I missed this," Jack most certainly did not whine. "I really should remember Hartman's being gone."

"How did she get back in charge? I know she must have, because Jack was ranting about her frequently just before--you know."

"That was partly because of me, actually. Yvonne's return, I mean, not Jack's rants. And certainly not--what happened."

"Of course not! No one would ever blame you for that, Ianto, even without knowing all the details."

"Thank you, Tosh. It's kind of a long story; are you sure you want to hear it?"

"Absolutely," Jack said without hesitation.

"I admit, I'm a bit curious myself, if you don't mind telling it," Tosh agreed.

"It's fine," Ianto shrugged. "Late that night Yvonne turned up at my flat, insisting she hadn't programmed the transporter and asking for a place to stay for the night. I didn't exactly believe her, but I also knew that, despite what Rachel had been saying, Yvonne wouldn't have killed Dean on purpose. Not like that, not for no reason. And she certainly wouldn't have denied it if she had done. I figured it must have just been an accident, and encouraged her to turn herself in. But even though she persisted in claiming she'd been set up, I let her crash on the sofa and we went our separate ways the next morning. Looking back, I rather wish I hadn't, but.... "

"What happened?"

"To Yvonne, or to me?"

"Both."

"Where to start? Perhaps I'd best explain about Kieran, first. Did you ever meet Kieran Frost, sir? He was Head of Security in 2005 and the first part of 2006."

"Not sure. Maybe. Why?"

Ianto raised an eyebrow. "You would have remembered if you had, trust me."

Jack grinned. "Why, was he cute?"

"Let's just say...perhaps the one completely truthful thing Rachel ever said to me was that he looked like he'd stepped out of a diet Coke ad."

His grin widened. "Okay, yeah, _that_ I would remember!"

Tosh giggled. "And here I thought it was distracting working alongside the two of you. How did anyone get anything done with someone like that to look at all day?"

Ianto looked down and shifted in his seat, clearly made uncomfortable by her remark. "That's sweet, Tosh, but you don't have to include me in that just to be polite."

Jack and Tosh exchanged confused looks. "I'm not."

He gave her one of those sceptical looks he did so well, but didn't comment further. "Anyway. The thing you have to understand about Kieran is that he wasn't just unfairly gorgeous, he was also unfairly _nice_. Warm, friendly, despite his job. One of those people everyone can't help but like, you know? Even though he'd turned down everyone at Torchwood who'd ever hit on him--which was probably more than half the staff, of both genders--no one ever seemed to resent him for it. And then Rachel got a hold of him."

"I thought she was dating you?"

"She was. But that's not how I meant. Apparently she'd figured out he was gay--whether he liked women or men was a recurring topic of gossip, as no one'd ever seen him with _anybody_ \--and that he and Dean were secretly into each other, and encouraged him to do something about it. In retrospect, Kieran's obsession with Dean's exercise regimen probably should have been a clue."

Jack sat up in his chair. "Dean? The one who--?"

"Yeah. Right in front of Kieran. Who, actually, she'd first tried to convince to volunteer. I'm not sure if she needed someone well-liked to kill so everyone would be more easily riled up, or wanted to get the Security department off their game by targeting their leaders. Or maybe it was a two birds, one stone sort of situation. Probably was, in fact."

"It would make sense," Toshiko agreed.

"Anyway, that's the background on Kieran. Now, keep in mind that all this is things I learned secondhand, or pieced together after the fact. I don't have all the details and can't even be sure how accurate anything I think I do know is."

"Understood."

"After she left my flat, Yvonne started paying visits to people she thought could help her figure out what was going on, what Rachel was doing. And Rachel, apparently, sent Kieran out after her instead of sending him home and assigning the task to someone who didn't believe Yvonne had just killed his boyfriend horribly. Clearly she was hoping he'd lose control and get Yvonne out of her way permanently. Instead, he killed Torchwood's contact in the House of Lords, and since Yvonne had visited him earlier that morning, Rachel was able to pin the murder on her. In the eyes of the staff, at least. She sent us all the CCTV footage of Yvonne in the area to back up her story and everything."

"Charming."

"Quite. She also called me to tell me the story personally and ask if I knew anyone Yvonne might turn to for help, and after seeing the footage I'm afraid I admitted to having let her sleep on my sofa. Not long after, _Yvonne_ called me, and not only did she insist she hadn't known Lord Jacobin was dead and immediately assume Kieran had killed him, once she found out what I'd told Rachel, she essentially accused me of having put my flatmate in danger. It may have been the only time during the whole mess she let her frustration with me show, actually. Since I'd just accused her of murder, I can't say I blame her."

"So you came to believe she was innocent of that, as well?"

"Yep. Didn't take me very long, actually, given...well. Anyway, after speaking to me Yvonne rushed back to my flat, where she found Kieran threatening Soren, my flatmate. She apparently turned herself over to him so he'd stop, and believed she was actually getting through to him when Soren came to and decided to rescue the damsel by knocking Kieran out with a pot plant."

Tosh giggled. "He what?"

Ianto smirked. "Yeah. Yvonne wasn't pleased, as it happens, because she knew when he recovered Kieran would be that much more determined, but...that's Soren for you. Never mind that she was far more capable of taking care of herself than he was, of _course_ he went rushing to her aid. Whether she needed it or not."

"I gotta admit," Jack said, "I can't imagine anyone thinking Hartman might need rescuing from anything."

"In his defence, Soren had only met her for a few minutes over coffee that morning, but...yeah. And actually, after his dramatic Rescue By Pot Plant, he insisted on not leaving her alone, apparently, so they ended up taking his van. At some point they thought they were being chased by another of Rachel's minions, and in the attempt to escape they ended up crashing. Turned out their pursuer was actually an alien envoy in disguise, wanting to talk to Yvonne to find out why Earth had been sending out aggressive signals, stirring up intergalactic trouble. Seemed the news of the coup hadn't made it around the local alien community yet, and they'd assumed Torchwood was responsible, so.... Come to think of it, we probably were, if by 'Torchwood' you mean 'Rachel'. At least the very real damage to Soren's van and sutures in his chest--not to mention the injuries Kieran had given him--made the usual 'car accident' excuse for missing memories plausible later."

"She retconned him? After he'd helped her?"

"She had to," Ianto shrugged. "He'd seen the alien, learned too much about what we did. Kieran's visit alone could have been explained away, but...."

"I suppose...."

"Right, so. That was Yvonne's day, more or less. Mine was far less enjoyable."

Jack looked at him, uneasy. "I'm not sure I like the sound of that," he admitted.

"I didn't much like living it," Ianto replied sardonically, pouring himself another drink before topping up Jack's and Tosh's glasses as well. "There had been a mandatory Away Day scheduled for most of the company for weeks; I'd assumed it was another of Yvonne's management techniques, but not only had she had no idea what it was when I mentioned it that morning, she was horrified by the idea. Shows she had sense, that. It wasn't Pippa, either, which might have also made sense. I have to assume Rachel somehow got it on the books secretly long before she took over; if not, she definitely hijacked it."

"'Away Day'? Is that what I think it is?" Tosh asked.

Ianto nodded. "My first exposure to the nightmare that is Torchwood's version of a team building exercise in the great outdoors."

"Oh dear."

"Indeed. As if it wasn't bad enough that we were bussed to an abandoned quarry where, naturally, it began to rain, Rachel had arranged for some...interesting activities. Where by 'interesting' I mean fatal."

"What?!"

"Oh, yes. We were split into teams, handed a box of parts, and told to assemble them. Turns out, they were all alien weapons, mostly live. Ones that Torchwood had yet to figure out how to use. And lucky me, the first injury of the day was my fault."

"I find that hard to believe," Jack protested. Defend himself--or at least, someone else--absolutely, but Ianto was the least likely person on Jack's team to initiate violence.

"But it was. I was the one who got our team's weapon assembled before anyone else's, and as soon as I put the last piece into place it powered up and fired. Luckily Dave had brought a first aid kit, but there are only so many people you can help with a single kit. Especially while alien weapons are continuing to fire on their own all around you."

"Did you know that would happen when you assembled it?"

"Well, no, but--"

"Then it's not your fault."

"Jack's right, Ianto. And you certainly couldn't be expected to guess they'd give you live weapons at a team building exercise, especially without warning."

From the way Ianto avoided looking their way, Jack could tell he didn't believe them, but let the matter drop. Somehow he didn't think arguing further would make much difference, considering all the other guilt Ianto carried around with him.

"At any rate, there were weapons going off all around us, injuries, Rachel calling to tell me Yvonne had murdered Lord Jacobin...it was a fun time all around. And before Rachel hung up, she said something about 'getting back in the field', which seemed a little...unusual. But we were divided into two groups and basically told to play war--"

"With real weapons," Jack couldn't resist asking, "that you didn't know how to use?"

"Precisely. And when I'd tried to tell Rachel what was going on, she didn't seem at all surprised. Or like she cared, for that matter. It was...insane, really. Explosions left and right, ones no one was able to control or aim.... Even when we weren't in the direct line of fire it was nearly impossible to get away from the shrapnel. We just didn't know what to do; none of us were field agents, after all. Everyone at One had mandatory firearms training, but most people never actually put it into practice."

"I'm really starting to dislike this Rachel," Tosh commented. Jack nodded agreement, but refrained from speaking; 'dislike' was too weak a word for what he was feeling toward her, but he didn't want Ianto to assume Jack was questioning his judgement. Anyone could be taken in by a skilled con artist, as Jack himself had been not so long ago where Ianto was concerned.

"At that point, I...didn't dislike her, yet, but I was starting to be confused. She'd already started changing, growing short with me when I wouldn't immediately turn on Yvonne, being dismissive of the fact people were getting hurt. At first, I tried to explain it to myself as the stress of suddenly becoming Director, but then...." Ianto took another swig of whiskey, apparently steeling himself for whatever was coming next. "New people arrived, armed, people none of us recalled ever seeing before. Granted, in an office that size it wasn't unusual not to know everybody, but Pippa worked in HR and would have had to meet with everyone now and then. It didn't seem like these new people were Torchwood at all, if _she_ didn't recognise them. At that point we simply gave up on making sense of the 'exercise', and tried to surrender."

"I'm guessing that 'tried' means they didn't let you?"

Ianto took a deep breath. "We were walking towards where the newcomers were, near where the organiser and Rachel, who had turned up at some point, were observing, hands raised, calling out 'we surrender' and waving my handkerchief. There couldn't possibly have been any confusion about what we were doing. And still they shot Pippa. Dave stayed with her while I ran ahead, hoping to get someone to call an ambulance, since I had no idea where we were. The strangers refused to put down their weapons despite being told there were casualties, so I shot them all in the arm or shoulder to make them stop and once again tried to explain we needed serious medical assistance. You know what Rachel said? 'Nice shooting.' She didn't even _pretend_ to be concerned that people were hurt. Not that it would have mattered anyway," he added glumly, staring into his glass, "since Pippa died before an ambulance could have arrived in any case."

"Oh, Ianto...." Tosh breathed. Jack couldn't think of anything useful to add, so he just clenched his jaw to keep from revealing just how angry he was on Ianto's behalf. Not surprised--this was exactly the sort of thing he'd expect from Torchwood One, even without Hartman at the helm--but angry, furious even, that someone like Ianto had been caught up in it.

Silence reigned for a couple of minutes as Jack and Tosh allowed Ianto time to gather his thoughts, or pull himself together, or whatever he needed to do, since clearly this portion of his story was still painful to him. At length he looked directly at Jack and said, "If it's all the same to you, sir, I am never going on a Torchwood team building exercise again. At this point, I'd rather quit and take the retcon."

"I don't blame you," Jack replied simply. "Frankly, after what happened last time, I'm a little leery of the idea myself." All the more so now that he knew what had happened after they'd returned.

Ianto nodded once, firmly, as if they'd just made a deal. Taking a deep breath, he continued, "Rachel didn't even bother to act upset. She just kept spouting platitudes about how this was war, and Pippa's sacrifice would make us stronger, and other empty slogans; she actually said 'if you're not with us you're against us', which was when I knew for certain there'd be no reasoning with her. I managed to convince her to let me keep my memories of what happened, but in return she made me help retcon everyone else. She told everyone that the people who'd been killed hadn't made the trip, and the next day announced they'd died from some unspecified illness, or a car accident, or whatnot. On the ride back Dave kept talking about what a shame it was Pippa'd missed all the fun. Not two hours earlier she'd died in his arms."

Jack wanted to squeeze Ianto's hand, remind him that he wasn't alone, but he was too far away to do so easily. Instead, he refilled Ianto's glass before doing the same for Toshiko. He could see why Ianto had wanted to be drunk when telling this story; with any luck, the following day would be uneventful enough to allow him to spend most of the day down in the quiet, dimly lit Archives.

"Work the next day was...surreal. Everyone believed the Away Day had been all fun and games, Tommy was back, Kieran didn't even _remember_ Dean, and Rachel had promoted me to field agent. Which, I might add, I'd never wanted in the first place."

"Wait a second," Jack interrupted. "You don't want to be a field agent? I put you through what happened in the Beacons for nothing?"

Ianto looked surprised, then thoughtful. "At the time, no, I didn't. I was hired for Admin, wound up working in Research, and then did a lot of both as Yvonne's PA. It wasn't the most glamorous of positions at Torchwood, but it suited me. I rarely dealt directly with aliens, at least not face-to-face, but was heavily involved behind the scenes. I can shoot--quite accurately, in fact--but although I know sometimes it's necessary, and don't judge the rest of you for doing it, I'm not personally comfortable killing, even in self-defence. In fact, I tend to freeze up at the prospect, which is a liability in a field agent. What I was doing was just as important, and much safer. I was good at it, and I was happy."

"So what was all that about inviting yourself along when I went to stop that incursion at the Millennium Centre?"

Tosh looked confused--had he forgotten to inform the rest of the team about that?--but refrained from asking for details.

"It's--complicated. Aside from the fact that a team this small can't really justify having a member who's not able to contribute in the field, after the Daleks and Cybermen...."

And suddenly it made sense. "You want to feel like next time you'll know what to do, have some control. Fairly common reaction in survivors of all sorts. The thing is, it's rarely that simple. You do realise _all_ of Torchwood One's field agents died that day, despite their training and experience, right?"

Ianto shot him a withering look. "Of course, sir. But that doesn't mean it's a bad idea to have some anyway."

"True, and I'm happy to provide it. I just don't want you thinking a bit of fieldwork would have made a difference."

"I know that. And like I said, back then I wasn't interested in it anyway. I wanted it even less when Rachel started talking about how the bonus scheme would be better now that there were fewer people to divide it among. She didn't even bother pretending any longer that the Away Day had been about team building rather than weapons testing. Then she finally recognised that I was unhappy with the situation and sent me home for the day."

"What did you do?" Jack asked.

Ianto shrugged. "I went home, like she suggested. Then I got good and drunk. Somewhere along the way I decided there was no way I could keep seeing Rachel; I didn't know who she was anymore, and I no longer felt I could trust her. And when Yvonne called to check on Soren, I realised she'd probably been telling the truth about having been set up all along, so I agreed to help her get her job back. And say what you want about Yvonne, Jack, but not only did she not say 'I told you so', she didn't so much as _hint_ that I should keep dating Rachel in order to spy on her more easily. In fact, all she said on the subject was that if I chose to break up with her, I should find a way to do so amicably so as not to become a target. Which was only sensible, given how callous Rachel had proven to be."

"Okay, okay, I'll admit it sounds like Hartman may have had some decency after all. Still doesn't mean I like her."

"Fair enough. At any rate, the next morning I told Rachel that I wasn't comfortable dating someone who was my boss. Unsurprisingly, considering she'd never cared about me to begin with, she took it well once I'd assured her I was still onboard with whatever her plans for Torchwood might be. First time I lied to her and got away with it, I think.... Not that it mattered all that much," he added bitterly. "Every time I went into her office for any reason, people thought--. The things my _friends_ , who knew we weren't seeing each other anymore, would say about me.... And not in a way that was just friendly teasing, either. She wasn't even the boss when we dated!"

"You said Rachel had been turning everyone against each other for a while," Tosh reminded him. "Perhaps it was because of that?"

"Perhaps." Ianto's gaze was fixed on his glass, but judging from the tension in his face Jack suspected he was resisting the urge to look in his direction. Not that Ianto needed to; Jack understood perfectly. What had happened between them the night before was not to become public knowledge, clearly. He wouldn't have said anything in any case--Owen was hard enough on Ianto as it was, and now that he knew just how badly he'd screwed up with him already, Jack didn't want to make things worse--but based on what he'd just revealed, Ianto's earlier comment about having rules against shagging the boss wasn't quite the joke he'd made it out to be. Jack respected that.

What he couldn't respect was Ianto's friends. From everything he'd said so far, they didn't seem to have had much respect for _him_ , and it sounded like that had started before Rachel had ever come on the scene. He wouldn't say anything about it--given that they were almost certainly all dead, he didn't see any point--but it made him wonder. Was Ianto's extreme reserve all due to the traumatic events of the past year, or had he been burned by these so-called friends too many times to be comfortable opening up even before the Fall?

"Did Rachel get suspicious of you?" he asked instead, noting Ianto's grateful look at having the conversation shifted back to the political machinations rather than personal ones.

"Hardly. In fact, she kept moving me from one team or project to another--I was 'her eyes and ears'. Not that she ever listened when I reported problems, of course, since most of those problems were the result of her policy changes, but she trusted me about as much as she did anyone, I think. The clearest example of that was when she put me in charge of the team dedicated to looking for any information about or signals from a certain planet. It was her pet project, and eventually she admitted to me that destroying that planet and its inhabitants was her primary goal in joining Torchwood."

"What? Why?"

"It seems her father had been killed when that species came to Earth several years before--he wasn't Torchwood himself, just an innocent bystander in the wrong place at the wrong time--and she wanted revenge. Rachel was one of those people who worshipped her own father to the extent that she honestly couldn't understand why anyone else might feel differently about theirs," he added. Jack got the feeling Ianto was one of the people she hadn't understood.

"Sounds like she did trust you," Toshiko observed, "if she told you her secret plan."

"Not really. She did make me retcon myself immediately afterwards." They must have looked confused, because he clarified, "I'd begun keeping the neutraliser with me at all times, just in case. It seemed like something she might do."

"Always prepared," Jack observed proudly.

Ianto shrugged. "It only seemed prudent. She'd already tried to retcon me once, and made me help retcon most of my coworkers, after all. And while retcon has its uses when dealing with the public, I don't much like living in fear of having it turned on me. We'd joke about it, but there was an unspoken rule at One that retcon was only to be used on staff in two scenarios: leaving Torchwood, of course, or punishment for serious infractions that weren't quite serious enough to earn execution. Which also usually involved leaving Torchwood, albeit involuntarily. Either way, you knew it was coming and either chose it or brought it on yourself. But Rachel had shown a tendency to pass it out like candy."

"Once an organisation with memory-altering technology starts to use it on employees, it never ends well," Jack agreed, remembering all too well how he'd felt upon learning the Time Agency had done it to him. Part of his refusal to retcon Ianto after the Cyberman incident despite regulations was due to Jack's not wanting to put someone else through losing so much time--and not wanting to live, possibly forever, with the knowledge he was no better than his former employers had been. It was also the reason that when, a few months ago, Ianto had come to him begging for retcon after they'd needed him to take the lead on a mission and things had gone horribly wrong, Jack had saved the CCTV footage of that conversation to his wrist strap in case Ianto's memory started to come back and he needed to prove the retcon was voluntary. "Sounds like you were lucky she didn't find out you were assisting Hartman."

"I wasn't actually doing much, to be honest. She didn't contact me all that often and never told me what she was up to, and rarely asked me to do anything for her. Mostly I just passed her information when she did contact me--all of which Rachel also had, only she generally ignored it. Which Yvonne used to her advantage."

Ianto paused and stared into his glass for a moment, swirling the remaining liquid briefly before knocking it back. Jack was relieved to see that this time he didn't immediately pour a refill. Instead, Ianto raised his gaze to meet Jack's before continuing, "You have to understand, for all that I liked her more than you did, I'm aware Yvonne did have her faults. In many ways, they were the same faults Rachel had. But they manifested in different ways. It's why Yvonne was generally liked among staff, whereas once she stopped the act Rachel--wasn't. As one of my friends put it, at least with Yvonne you knew where you stood, even if that was 'dead'. Which...possibly isn't the best illustration of my point."

Jack snorted. "You think?"

"No, but--okay. Yvonne's extreme patriotism bordered on xenophobia, in both senses, but she overturned Torchwood's 'kill on sight' policy toward aliens in favour of trying to work with them. Sure, it was to gain tech in hopes of furthering her goal of rebuilding the Empire, not out of the goodness of her heart, but regardless of her motives, during her tenure Torchwood One had good relations with London's alien community. We even had an entire Liaison department. Whereas when I informed Rachel that her new policies were causing our alien contacts to break off communication with us, she started talking about 'forcible repatriation'. More than once I heard her refer to 'alien scum'. Yvonne liked to know everything that went on, disapproved of wasting Torchwood resources, and never met a new management technique she didn't like. Rachel just plain micromanaged, down to regulating how long lights were left on."

He paused and took a deep breath, switching his attention to include Toshiko as he went on, "It's true that when Yvonne described herself as a 'people person', she didn't mean she liked people. She rarely did, in fact. What she actually meant was that she knew how to manipulate them. She even flat-out told me how she was manipulating me. But it wasn't...personal, you know? She never played on anyone's emotions, so far as I know. She preferred to get people to do what she wanted by building them up. Her flattery was--I'm not sure how to describe it, really, but she had a way of seeming sincere even as you knew she flattered almost everyone, and couldn't possibly mean everything she said. Sort of like Jack's flirting, I suppose," he added with a hint of a smirk. "It was strange; you could tell that Yvonne wasn't always sincere in what she said to others, but I still believe that she liked me, in her way, in addition to finding me useful."

"And Rachel didn't?"

"No," he replied simply. From the look on Tosh's face, she knew exactly how he felt.

Time to redirect the conversation again, so she didn't dwell. "What was it that made her so unpopular among the staff? The micromanaging?"

"That didn't help, but it was just the tip of the iceberg. Aside from Tommy, who was perfectly comfortable being given orders to focus on weapons testing, most of us were not happy about the newly militaristic Torchwood. Working late became first strongly encouraged, then mandatory--even for Admin. Unless there was a deadline approaching for a big project, most of us on the day shift were used to leaving the office by six at the latest."

"I can't even imagine that," Tosh said.

"The benefits of having a staff of more than eight hundred. Or a dozen, even."

"But just think how much more you get to learn here, covering for each other!" Jack protested, not entirely seriously. He knew his people were overworked, sometimes, but he trusted them to handle things. Most of the time.

"And yet, still not as much as I learned at One, sir, thanks to Yvonne," Ianto observed dryly. "Though in fairness, most of my time here is taken up with making coffee and tidying after the rest of you, so there's less opportunity."

Jack growled, which earned him a laugh. Ianto looked surprised at himself, which made Jack grin in triumph. Honest laughter, however brief, wasn't something he could recall ever hearing from Ianto before.

All too soon, Ianto's sombre expression returned. Pity; for that brief moment, he'd almost looked his age, instead of the decade older he usually came across as. It was a good look on him.

"More than once I'd tried explaining that the staff was unhappy with the changes and suggesting Rachel might want to ease up a little. She always tried to convince me it was an 'us versus them' situation, with me on her side, and everybody else just needed to be more dedicated if they didn't want to be retconned out of a job. I admit I pretended to go along with that, but the truth was I was no more comfortable with the new Torchwood than anyone else.... Things were bad enough that my friend Guleraana confided in me that she was looking for another job, despite knowing she'd be retconned if she left. She even said that if she couldn't find something else quickly, she...how did she phrase it?...would 'put her fetish mask to use'." A small smile flickered on his face. "You would have liked her, sir. The two of you could have had entire conversations exclusively in innuendo, I imagine."

"Sounds like my kind of woman," Jack agreed.

"Was she--?" Tosh hesitated, looking like she regretted starting that sentence.

"Hmmm? Oh, no! G's alive. Yvonne came back and persuaded her to stay, so she was still around when--it happened, but since she was the receptionist she managed to get out of the Tower when everything first went to hell. Closest to the front doors, and all. Took the retcon option afterwards, though, so I can't exactly contact her," Ianto added wistfully.

"At least she's still alive; that's something."

"Yeah. It is. Anyway, my point is, even people who'd disliked Yvonne were wishing for her return after less than a month with Rachel in charge. I tried talking her out of acting recklessly even as Yvonne's final plan went into effect, but...there was no dissuading her," he explained with a shrug.

"And what was that plan?" Jack prompted when Ianto showed no sign of continuing.

"Right. It's a bit complicated, but essentially Yvonne used the dislike of Rachel's policies among the resident aliens to persuade Milladar of the Korvaks First Brood into attacking the Tower one night. It was late, but everyone was still there--Rachel had instituted mandatory 9PM meetings for the entire staff, and most of the day shift had only just been dismissed from one."

"Most?"

"There was a department head meeting just getting underway afterwards. Ironically, as I recall, the primary topic Rachel wanted to discuss at that meeting was how to capture Yvonne."

"I see. Continue."

"So Milladar and his bodyguard attacked, and Rachel had them killed before noticing the Korvaks ship headed our way--which, I'd like to point out, she'd been informed about just the day before. And, yes, I had passed that information along to Yvonne as well. Rachel's response to being reminded of its presence was...less than diplomatic."

"Oh?" Tosh inquired. Jack was pleased to see an anticipatory gleam in her eye; clearly she was caught up in Ianto's story enough to distract her from her own troubles, which was after all the point of this. The fact that Jack's curiosity was being satisfied at the same time was just a bonus.

"Oh, yes. She decided the prudent thing to do was fire on their ship. We'd had the weapons system from a Jathaar ship, which should have blown the Korvaks one to smithereens."

"I'm guessing it didn't?"

"Nope." Ianto took a sip of his drink, but the glass didn't quite hide the satisfied smirk on his face. "I may have passed the weapon's frequency to Yvonne to give to them, so they could tune their shields. Just hypothetically, you understand."

"Wasn't that risky? If Rachel was as much of a micromanager as you say, surely she'd have noticed you looking up that kind of information."

"Actually, sir, that was the week she'd made me Head of Operations--it's why I'd been stuck staying for that final meeting. Had she asked, I was merely familiarising myself with the resources at our disposal."

Jack grinned, impressed. "Sneaky, Mr Jones." He almost added, _Remind me to keep an eye on you,_ but caught himself just in time. It was probably too soon after the Cyberman debacle to joke about such things.

"They just flew right through the beam, like it wasn't even there. No one could believe it, least of all Rachel. Naturally, she declared war."

A look of genuine amusement passed over Ianto's face as he added, "She got on the PA system and told everyone to contact their team leader for further instructions, and when Tommy asked what those instructions were to be, it was obvious she had no idea what she was doing. I believe her response was, 'I don't know, shoot the aliens', or something along those lines. And she told Tommy to get everything out of the armoury; when I pointed out we didn't know how to use half of the things in there, even Tommy--who'd never met a weapon he didn't like--agreed it was too dangerous to our own people. And oh, Rachel did not like the fact everybody wasn't jumping to do everything she said without question. Which was admittedly a nice bonus from my perspective, but what really mattered was that she declared Code Red, enabling Yvonne to access the building using the emergency override codes. Which I may have, ah, forgotten to inform Rachel about."

"Oops," Tosh giggled.

"Indeed; how careless of me." One corner of Ianto's mouth quirked up in amusement before he went on. "It didn't take long for even Tommy to start obeying Yvonne's orders over Rachel's; partly conditioning, I suppose, and partly the simple fact that only one of them seemed to know what she was doing. When questioned about her absence, Yvonne claimed to have been deep undercover--and, yes, people accepted that easily. Perhaps because she had a way of sounding so completely certain of the truth of what she was saying it never occurred to anyone to doubt her...."

"Yeah, sounding like you know what you're talking about is more than half the battle when it comes to lying successfully," Jack agreed.

That got him a raised eyebrow. "Speaking from experience, sir?"

"Always," he replied with his best roguish grin.

"At any rate, it didn't take long to resolve the issue with the Korvaks fleet. Yvonne had arranged to trade the death of Milladar for a whole list of their technology. There'd been a coup, which was why he'd sought refuge on Earth in the first place, so rather than coming to avenge his death at Torchwood's hands they were quite grateful. That part, I admit, I'd kept from Rachel; it seemed like our best chance at getting rid of her. After, she accused me of disloyalty, but--"

"Sounds to me like you also owed loyalty to Hartman, much as I hate to admit it," Jack broke in, wanting Ianto to be clear on the fact that he wasn't judging him. "Not to mention the loyalty you owed your co-workers, and especially the rest of the planet. From what you've said, loyalty to Rachel would've meant betraying everybody else. You did the right thing."

"I agree, Ianto. Besides, once you'd broken up with Rachel how much loyalty could you really owe her?"

"Yes, well. Rachel disagreed, obviously, and once she was through accusing me she grabbed up one of Tommy's alien guns and went after Yvonne. By the time I got there, Yvonne already had her sedated. From there, it was just a matter of clean-up. Yvonne praised everyone for their performance in the 'emergency exercise', and life went on. End of story, really."

"What happened to Rachel?" Tosh asked.

"Retcon, of course. But just taking her time at Torchwood wouldn't have helped, since her vendetta started years earlier, and anyway Yvonne didn't actually want to lose her as an employee, so it had to be the deep retcon."

"Deep retcon? What's that?"

"It had to be administered intravenously, in clinical conditions, so it was no good for coverups in the field, but it allowed the user to selectively alter memories from a person's entire life, not just wipe or replace the most recent ones. In Rachel's case, Yvonne ordered her memories of her parents removed, since her father had been the trigger for everything. She was then re-hired by Admin, in charge of the office supplies. Never had a problem with her after that."

"What, really? Do we have the ability to do that, Jack?"

"Nope, that formulation died with Torchwood One. But like Ianto said, it was tricky to use, and I never much cared for it anyway."

"I see." She fell silent.

"What I want to know is, how did that work, with her still at Torchwood? I mean, ordinarily, yeah, in an office that large you might be able to move someone from one department to a completely unrelated one and not have them run into people who knew them before the retcon, but if she was Director that would be impossible. Did no one ever say anything that triggered her memories, or at least make her suspicious something was wrong?"

"Nope," Ianto said. "For two reasons, really. First, though it didn't happen often prior to her tenure, Rachel wasn't the first Torchwood employee still around to have ever been retconned; we were used to talking around various subjects to prevent triggers, like not mentioning Dean to Kieran once it was clear she'd made him forget. Prevaricating was a mandatory skill, for dealing with the public, and it was easy enough to do with each other as well. Second, of course, there's the fact Rachel was widely hated by that point, and the general sentiment was that she deserved the retcon and the demotion. I think people liked knowing something she didn't, especially given how many of them she'd retconned herself."

"Ah, revenge. Okay, I can see how that might motivate people to keep up the charade," Jack acknowledged.

"Tosh? You look like you want to say something."

"There's something I'm wondering about," she admitted, "but I'm not sure how to ask without sounding like I'm accusing you of something I'm not."

"Go ahead and ask. The whole point of dredging all this up again was to help you feel better, after all."

"Thank you. It's just.... I was wondering how you reconcile having been used by Rachel with your behaviour with Jack when you came here."

Ianto shrugged. "Flirting is harmless. It was well known at One that it's how That Captain Harkness From Cardiff interacts with anyone, so I knew to expect it, and if there was a chance flirting back would keep him from looking too closely at what I was doing the rest of the time, why not? Sorry," he added with a glance in Jack's direction. Jack waved it off; that was about what he'd suspected, once everything with Lisa had come to light, and Ianto was right. It had been the perfect distraction.

"Would you have taken it beyond flirting, if you thought it necessary?" Tosh asked.

"Absolutely not," Ianto replied firmly. "There were exactly two things I swore to myself I wouldn't do in my attempts to help Lisa: kill someone, and cheat on her. In the end, I failed at the first--morally, if not literally--but I stuck to the second."

"Weren't you worried Jack would get suspicious if you didn't...follow through?"

It was a good question, actually; he was curious to hear the answer.

"Nope," Ianto said easily. "If he ever switched from flirting to actually hitting on me, I knew he'd take 'no' for an answer."

"So sure of that, were you?" Jack couldn't resist asking. He would have, of course, but he was curious how Ianto could have known that, particularly back when they'd first met.

"There was a lot of gossip about you floating around One, sir. While there were conflicting opinions, the two things everyone seemed to agree on were that you'd flirt indiscriminately, and that if you propositioned someone and they turned you down, you'd back off immediately. Much to the chagrin of several of those who'd experienced it, mind."

"What? Why?" Tosh asked.

"Never play hard to get with someone who takes consent seriously."

"I've never understood why people do that," Jack admitted. "It's a simple question, with only three possible answers: yes, no, and maybe some other time. Why on earth would someone say one when they mean another?"

Ianto shrugged. "Beats me. But the point is, I wasn't worried you'd expect anything just because I flirted back. Or for any other reason. So I didn't view it as manipulating you the way Rachel had me."

"Good. For the record, neither do I." Now, if Ianto had actually slept with him prior to Lisa's discovery, that would have been a different story. Not only would Jack have felt used once he found out, he suspected he'd also feel like _he'd_ used _Ianto_. With an ulterior motive involved, he'd never have been entirely sure if Ianto had genuinely wanted to have sex with him or only did it because he felt he had to. And as Ianto had just pointed out, Jack was big on consent. Sex was no fun unless _everybody_ was enjoying themselves.

"Any more questions?"

Tosh shook her head. Ianto raised a questioning eyebrow at Jack, who had to suppress a grin. It was clear from Ianto's expression that Jack had better provide the "right" answer, on pain of decaf. "Don't worry, I'm not going to make you talk about yourself any more tonight."

"Thank you, sir." Though his voice was bland as ever, it was obvious from the way tension drained from his body that Ianto was relieved at the reprieve.

Just because he didn't plan to ask more questions about Ianto's story didn't mean Jack had nothing else to say, however; he just knew it might be easier for Ianto to hear without a third party present, even if it _did_ pertain to something Tosh had said earlier.

"Since it sounds like we're done here, I'll see you tomorrow, Toshiko. Feel free to come in a couple of hours late. Ianto, there's something I want to talk you about before you go, won't take long."

"Good night. And Ianto, thank you--it really does help, knowing someone else has been there. I know it can't have been easy to tell us; I really appreciate it."

"You're welcome, Tosh."

Jack waited until the Hub door had rolled closed behind Toshiko before opening the hatch in the floor and urging Ianto down the ladder. Jack followed, then opened his wardrobe and pulled Ianto in front of the full-length mirror he'd hung on the back of the door.

"What's this about, sir?"

"Just look, right there. Do you really not see how beautiful you are, Ianto?"

"I don't--It's not--" Ianto sighed, then began again. "I know I'm not ugly, or anything. I've been told I clean up well. But I'm not anything special either. It's fine, really. I don't mind. And I don't understand why you're making a big deal out of it."

"Because it _is_ a big deal. I know, I know, in the grand scheme of things looks aren't all that important, but I don't like you thinking of yourself as less than you are, in any way." Ianto ducked his head and started to turn away, so he wrapped an arm loosely around Ianto's torso to keep him facing the mirror and hooked his chin over one shoulder. "You know what I see when I look at you? A surprisingly expressive face despite the mask you usually wear, gorgeous eyes, that lovely pale skin.... And, yes, those perfectly tailored suits that somehow manage to draw attention to your body while keeping it almost entirely hidden. But you know what tips you over from being beautiful to being hot? The parts of you that can't be seen. That clever mind and dry, sarcastic wit hiding a heart too big for Torchwood and the kind of determination I've rarely come across. Your voice, including the accent. Not to mention your loyalty. But even before I knew those things about you, that very first night when you saved me from Death by Weevil, I could see you were gorgeous. You are special, Ianto Jones, and I never again want to hear you say otherwise. Frankly, now that I've seen every inch of you I can safely say you're beautiful all over."

He met Ianto's eyes in the mirror. "In fact, I would very much like to show you again exactly how beautiful you are."

Jack felt Ianto's breath catch, saw him swallow before he replied, "I don't think that's a good idea, sir."

"Not 'sir', not now. Not that I'm against a little roleplay, but I'd rather not blur the lines here. This isn't part of your job in any way, I'm not your boss at the moment, and it's entirely up to you. You're in control here, Ianto. All you have to do is say 'no' and you can walk out of here, no repercussions. Are you saying 'no'?"

Their reflected gazes remained locked for several seconds, Jack not even needing to look down to gauge the other man's interest given the changes in his breathing, before Ianto shakily said, "No."

Disappointed, Jack started to withdraw, then paused. "Wait, was that 'no, I don't want this', or 'no, I'm not saying no'?"

Ianto just rolled his eyes before turning to capture Jack's mouth in a greedy kiss.

And oh, but he could get used to being randomly kissed by this man. Which was a large part of why this was a bad idea, and he'd known it the night before, but damned if he was going to stop now. 

He'd be responsible again tomorrow.


End file.
